Goal Setting for Kids
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My first memory of goal setting places me in my 7th grade music class. Three long rows of chairs curved around the open room. No tables. I sat in front, farthest to the left. Initially I was quite eager to learn an instrument, but my attitude quickly shifted to dread. Music was a foreign subject to me. I had no previous exposure and learning shortly became a heartache. I spent mornings before the bell rang and far too many days after attempting to improve my understanding of the subject. Despite parent teacher meetings and extra practice, my final grade barely allowed me to squeak by. Nothing about my music experience filled me with pleasure and seeing as it was also my homeroom it left little enthusiasm for other topics we covered. It was here I first encountered SMART goals. My negativity flooded the experience. For years I shuddered at the thought of wasting time on such a frivolous activity as setting goals.
The younger me couldn’t see any value in goals. It was a mandatory addition to the curriculum. The process was dull and lengthy. We were required to submit four throughout the term for assessment. It seemed foolish to be graded on such a subject. My time appeared to be wasted recording the steps and check points. I complained to friends and begrudgingly filled out each form. Quick and thoughtless. I didn’t take time to appreciate the process or purpose. I’m sure they explained it, but in my mind there was little long term use to the assignment. A negative attitude and environment clouded my judgment when first learning the value of planning and evaluating personal goals.
Over time I have grown to appreciate the importance of goal setting. My four years of nursing school focused on the philosophy of self-directed learning. The main teaching principle was goal setting. Identifying learning needs and strategies to reach them. Selecting client (patient) pain points and the best approach to manage them. My life revolved around goals. The difference now was I could see their value. Everything made sense. I was still being graded on the process, but this time I was going through the steps to further my knowledge and improve my skills. I knew the benefit and wanted the outcomes. In my younger years I set goals that weren’t really “goals”. They aimed at targets I didn’t actually want to hit or ones I was already heading straight for. I needed the goal to be significant, purposeful and challenging to me.
How to Set Goals With Children?
Popular goals setting techniques include SMART/ER (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound, -ER evaluate, readjust), HARD (heartfelt, animated, required, difficult), micro and backwards. Any of these formats can be used when planning goals. The best technique is the one you and your children are most comfortable with.
Personally I like to use a 5 W’s and a H approach. Children are familiar with these questions from an early age and understand how to provide specific answers to each. This makes implementing goals natural and removes any added explanation.
Who - Even though the answer is obvious (themselves), it is important to bring attention to who the goal is for. Setting a goal to please a parent or person of authority will have less follow through power. It should be something they can get behind.
What - Keep the answer short and simple. Try to sum it up in a couple of words or a concise sentence so that it can be called to mind easily. The more specific the better.
When - Set a time frame and mark it on a calendar. If its a longer goal make sure you set shorter periods to check in. Seeing progress is a natural incentive to keep moving forward.
Where - Similarly to a story we need to clarify what achieving the goal looks like. Describe the setting in which their plan will take place. Will they be making changes at home or school. Is it something they do in their room, or at the kitchen table. These details allow the goal to take form and help clarify the big picture.
Why - No matter what age you are knowing the “why” behind a plan makes an enormous difference. Remember this isn’t our why, it’s our child’s why. They need to see value in achieving their goal. Personally I believe this is the most important question.
How - The more concise and specific a plan the easier it is for your child to work towards it. Brainstorm ideas and help them pinpoint what simple steps will provide the most direct route to their goal. Putting ideas into words can be challenging for children at any age. It’s ok to help by asking questions or describing situations in which they might face challenges.
Ex. How will you remember to brush your teeth after breakfast? Or what can we do now to help remind you to brush your teeth after breakfast?
As adults we typically write down our goals to keep a record and reflect on our progress. Though this practice is important we need to decide based on our children if the benefits out way any added challenges. Building the practice of goal setting should not be negative. We want to highlight the positives gleaned from making plans, evaluating progress and re aligning our actions to reach a desired outcome. We can record goals for reluctant writers, provide templates to fill in or discuss with the expectation of acting as an accountability partner for our child. If you choose to utilize goal setting in your home keep the process light and up beat, trusting that the experience and skills gained will bless your children now and for years to come.
Tips for Implementing Goals Without a Fight
——> Make it natural. Live by example. Talk about your goals. What are you aiming for. Is it working, do you need more accountability. Be human. Keep the process relatable.
——> Make it positive. Avoid focusing on goals as a way to correct negative behaviours. Though they can help break habits, lean into building positive ones.
——> Make it fun. Goal setting is an important part of life. Developing the ability to assess and reassess how we live is beneficial now and for the future. Choosing a reward to celebrate can go a long way in encouraging a resistant child. Remember these do not need to be material things. Brainstorm together fun ways to celebrate. You might be surprised when your child suggests baking cookies together or going for a picnic.
Are you curious as to how goal setting can apply to gaming? Or to gaming conflicts? Check out Goals for Kids who Game.
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